08/13/2007
Mix Disc Monday Home / Music Home / Bullz-Eye Home
Rock and roll. The very term is a euphemism for
sex. It's the hormones that drive those crazy kids
to dance the way they do when they're listening to
that rock and roll. Oh, that debbil music was almost
tamed when the likes of Frankie Avalon and Fabian
came on the scene, but then it rose up once again
to claim every nearby groin within earshot. So screw
the love songs. We all know that those are merely
just sweetened odes penned to get into the pants
even faster. Cut to the chase and let's get it on,
as it were. Here are 15 tracks to let your inner
freak get its freak on, thereby allowing you to get
yours. Dig it.
"Kickin'," Whale (We Care)
Whale
was a wonderful band. We Care was
a wonderful, nutty album. It had its fair share of
perverse tracks on it, but this opening cut with
acoustic guitars and a loose feel kicks things off
perfectly with the lines "I wanna give birth
to your baby, baby / Scream out your name." One
of these days some guy is going to be a grandfather
and claim this as his favorite song of all time.
Beautiful.
"Boogie on Reggae Woman," Stevie Wonder
(Fullfillingness' First Finale)
Back in the day, Stevie knew how to write a good,
dirty song. He wants to do it to the reggae woman
till she hollers for more and even tells her that
he wants to see her in the raw. Hot damn, all that
set to one of the funkiest bass lines ever. So what
the hell happened between this and "Part Time Lover?"
"Only the Good Die Young," Billy Joel (The
Stranger)
Funny, but every Catholic girl I ever personally
knew had no qualms about hitting the sack at all.
That's another story, though. In this classic tune,
poor Billy Joel pleads with Virginia to give up the
rosary beads and give it up for him, much to no avail.
When the song was originally released, it caused
a mild uproar. My, how "graphic" lyrics have changed
since then.
"Sweet Head," David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust
30th Anniversary
Edition)
David Bowie brought decadent sex to the masses
in the early ‘70s. In the press he said he was
bisexual and his androgynous Ziggy Stardust character
made the parents worry for their kids. In this
little number, Bowie as Ziggy promises to give
you sweet head with his guitar and his soprano.
All this around the same time he was kneeling in
front of Mick Ronson on stage, flicking his tongue
out at Ronno's crotch at the time. Ah, the good
old days.
"Tutti Frutti," Little Richard (The
Georgia Peach)
Before Elvis came along and fucked it all up
with his sped up, hick version of the song, Little
Richard laid down the sex right and rhythmically
on the original "Tutti Frutti." We still don't
know what Sue does explicitly, but it sounds
like fun, and Daisy can still rock it to the
east and west, which
is pretty damn hot. Richard knew how to make it last.
Elvis just rushed through the damn thing because
he didn't know what to do with it.
"Why Don't We Do It in the Road?" the Beatles
(The Beatles)
Apparently, Paul McCartney wrote this song whilst
in India after observing a couple of monkeys getting
it on in the middle of the road. It's a song that
seems more like something Lennon would have written,
but here Paul handles the topic with tenderness and
affection. "No one will be watching us," he shouts,
trying to convince some poor girl to get it on with
him. As the song goes on, Paul sounds like he's about
to hurt someone if he doesn't get laid in the street.
Sex can do crazy things to a guy.
"Mystery Dance," Elvis Costello (My
Aim is True)
On the other hand, you have Elvis trying to figure
out just how to have sex and not look like an entire
klutz. Yeah, we've all been there. "I can't do it
anymore and I'm not satisfied," Elvis tells us. I
always did say the female anatomy should come with
a handy map and user's manual.
"Shake, Rattle and Roll," Bill Haley and
His Comets (Rock Around the Clock)
FYI, as an aside, everyone should own this album
just because it's one of the tightest, shiniest things
to ever come out of ‘50s-era rock and roll. A joy
to hear. This song was originally a bit dirtier,
so Bill cleaned it up just enough but left all the
good euphemisms intact, such as "I'm like a one-eyed
cat peepin' through a seafood store." Awww yeah.
That about says it all, really.
"Let's Spend the Night Together," The Rolling
Between the Buttons[US version])
While the Stones were still trying to mimic the
Beatles here and there, they were issuing great singles,
like this one, that the Fab Four would never dare
to cut. As the song chugs along, Jagger and company
cook it up into one frothy mix, about to spill all
over that sexy dress at any moment. Oh, my. You've
never heard a guy simultaneous demand and beg for
sex as perfectly in a song since.
"Good Girls Don't," the Knack (Get the
Knack)
The Knack were a fun band and had a ton of groovy
songs on their first album. This classic perfectly
paints the picture of a teenage kid wanting nothing
more than to experience the thrills of the not-so-nice
girl next door. Plus it has that whole "sittin' on
your face" part (compounded with an "It hurts!" cry
by Doug Fieger) that still works like a charm. And
let's not forget that the Chipmunks covered this
tune on their classic Chipmunk Punk LP.
"He's My Best Friend," Jellyfish (Spilt
Milk)
If you're going to have a song about masturbation,
you might as well have a whimsical one. "My
hand's a five-leaf clover / It's Palm Sunday over
and over." True that. Is it ever not Palm
Sunday? Just askin' is all.
"Tell Me Something Good," Rufus
featuring Chaka Khan (Rags
to Rufus)
Back
in the day, Stevie Wonder could write a great dirty
song. Wait, didn't we do this already? Ah, no.
It's just the fine "Tell Me Something Good," as
seductively performed by Chaka Khan and Rufus.
It would be a nightmare to hear Celine Dion ever
cover this one. But Chaka…oh, Chaka. You do indeed
make me wish there was 28 hours to each day. And
I haven't been loved like I should, so you know where
to find me.
"Soft and Wet," Prince (For You)
Prince didn't gradually inject sexual lyrics in
his tunes. They were right there from the start.
Did he ever do a better dirty song than this one?
Great bass line, great synth break, and would this
thing ever get played on the radio these days if
it was brand new? Things don't always change for
the better, kids. But Prince always knew just how
far to push it. Of course, he also wrote "Scarlet
Pussy."
"Raped and Freezin'," Alice Cooper (Billion
Dollar Babies)
Alice has always had a great knack for writing little
pop gems that just get stuck in your head for days.
Granted, they're always perverse, but they're gems
nonetheless. In this little number, poor Alice gets
picked up by some crazy ol' mama while out hitchhiking
in Mexico. She proceeds to defile him and he escapes
out the back of her van without his clothes. Alice
did it all, man. Don't ever forget it.
"No Sex," Alex Chilton (19 Years: A
Collection)
Written and recorded shortly after AIDS first became
big news. Of course, Chilton handles the whole thing
with much aplomb, tossing off the lines "Can't
get it on, or even get high / Come on baby, fuck
me and die." And really, that's a great place
to end this whole sexual escapade we've been on together.
I'll call you, baby.