Billboarding Home / Music Home / Bullz-Eye Home
Almost two months after our first column, we return to the Hot 100 -- and guess what? That T-Pain dude is still all over the chart. Matter of fact, quite a few of the songs we covered last time around are still in the Top 10 -- six of them, to be exact. Is it that the songs are just so good, or is it that nobody's releasing (or buying) enough new music to make a dent on the charts? We'll let you decide...and hope you enjoy some T-Pain. Here's hoping that by the time we reconvene in 2008, there's been a major shakeup, 'cause if we have to hear "Bubbly" one more time, someone's going to pay. On with the Top 10!
1.
Timbaland feat. OneRepublic, “Apologize”
(Mosley/Blackground)
You know, when Timbaland first penetrated the public consciousness a
little over a decade ago with Missy Elliott’s “The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly),”
nobody could have predicted that he’d wind up remixing this soggy ballad,
performing it with the band on “One Life to Live,” and taking it all
the way to Number One on the pop charts. Congratulations, OneRepublic!
You’ve unseated Vertical Horizon as the most recent adult contemporary
band from Colorado to crest the charts!
2. Alicia Keys, “No
One” (J)
The album it’s from might be completely uneven, but “No One” is easily
one of the most powerful R&B songs of the year, making Keys’ year-end
chart domination more richly deserved than most. The label will have
problems when it comes time to choose the third or fourth single from
the album – but that’s a pretty nice problem to have, no? Just sit back
and sing along.
3. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain, “Low”
(Atlantic/Poe Boy)
The follow-up to Flo Rida’s instant classic, “Bitch I’m From Dade County,”
“Low” is guaranteed to be a thousand times better than the movie whose
soundtrack it’s featured on – “Step
Up 2 the Streets” – and even if that says less about the song than
the stupid movie, that’s fine; we’ll take our Hot 100 victories where
we can get them these days. As is required by law, the song features
T-Pain, although his involvement is far less annoying than certain other
songs we could mention. (More on that later.)
4.
Fergie, “Clumsy”
(Interscope)
What, a song about all the dumb things Fergie does ‘cause she’s in love,
and not a single line about wetting her pants? How disappointing. All
kidding aside, “Clumsy” is easily the least annoying thing we’ve ever
heard Fergie do. In fact, it might even be kinda cool; we could certainly
do without the hokey spoken-word bridge, but the retro vibe is nifty
– and best of all, she isn’t talking about her fucking humps, lumps,
or bumps. Nicely done, Dutchess.
5. Chris Brown feat. T-Pain, “Kiss
Kiss” (Jive)
He hails from Tappahannock, VA, and rocks the vocoder as convincingly
as T-Pain; in fact, that’s Chris Brown you hear singing this song’s
obnoxiously catchy hook, not the ubiquitous digital talkbox king. Anyway,
this song has had a nice run, but its staying power might actually be
keeping Brown from feeding stations a suitable third act from Exclusive
– and the next single really can’t come soon enough, because we’re deeply
tired of this song.
6. Colbie Caillat, “Bubbly”
(Universal Republic)
Speaking of tired, here’s “Bubbly” in its 31st week on the chart! There’s
no denying Colbie’s musical pedigree – her dad is Ken Caillat, co-producer
of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours and Tusk – but this song
is as substantial as the last few bits of granola at the bottom of the
bag. Are people really so desperate for gentle acoustic ballads that
they’ll keep this song on the charts for the better part of a year?
Yes. Yes, they are.
7.
Jordin Sparks, “Tattoo”
(Jive/19)
“You’re on my heart just like a tattoo”? What the fuck? We realize the
lyrical bar isn’t exactly set high for “American Idol” finalists, but
seriously, that’s one of the dumber hooks we’ve heard on the Top 10
in quite some time. (Look around – that’s really saying something.)
Sparks’ debut album hasn’t exactly been moving heaven and Earth at retail,
and if “Tattoo” is the best the record has to offer, it’s easy to understand
why. But hey, at least she doesn’t beatbox. Shame on you, Blake Lewis.
8. Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo, “Hate
That I Love You” (Island Def Jam)
Maybe it isn’t as much of a timeless throwback as “No One,” but “Hate
That I Love You” does hearken strongly back to the late ‘80s-to-mid-‘90s
flavor of R&B, when the hooks were firmly planted in the pop realm,
and crossovers happened because there were actually other formats for
songs to cross into. In the spring of 1990, this song would have been
rubbing shoulders with After 7 and Bell Biv DeVoe – and it would have
sounded just as good then as it does now. Also, Rihanna in lingerie
never goes out of style.
9. Finger Eleven, “Paralyzer”
(Wind-Up)
Not that we’re complaining about an honest-to-God rock song actually
making it into the Top 10, but why this song? Why this band? It sounds
like something matchbox twenty might have cooked up on a good day…which
actually explains everything, come to think of it. Never mind. Way to
identify a vacuum and fill it, Finger Eleven!
10.
Baby Bash feat. T-Pain, “Cyclone”
(Arista)
On one hand, you really have to love a country in which a reformed crystal
meth dealer with a bad ankle can hit the Top 10, especially with a song
that inspires random chicks across the country to strip
down to their skivvies and make their
own videos. On the other hand, “Cyclone” is really, really
stupid – the kind of song that’s a 30-second countdown to a migraine
anywhere outside the club. It’s still better than “Na Na (The Yummy
Song),” but you knew that just by reading the title. We’ll return
to the Hot 100 in a few weeks, Baby Bash, and we don’t want to see you
here when we get back.
You can follow us on Twitter and Facebook for content updates. Also, sign up for our email list for weekly updates and check us out on Google+ as well.